Character Descriptions

The present-day narrator.  A deeply introspective agoraphobe with an encyclopedic knowledge of stage musicals, MIC offers factoids and opinions on both his own life and the musical we're watching.  He is defined by his own contradictions, ranging from soft-spoken to passionate and from turmoil to detachment.  Seeking strong character actor capable of understatement; minimal singing.

The vivacious Broadway ingénue and starlet about to be married.  Despite her affection for Robert, her innocent prank on her fiancé turns into the ultimate Janet van de gaffe (ha) and gives her much hesitation about the commitment she's about to make.  Seeking a triple threat with acrobatic skills.

The man about to marry Janet.  Robert, who is fictitiously portrayed by a cheesy actor only capable of Generic Male Lead, can never quite smooth things over with his bride-to-be.  He always exhibits the courage of a lion and the emotional subtlety of a sledgehammer.  Seeking an actor with a strong voice, plus tap dance skills; roller skating experience a plus.

Janet's maid of honor.  The Chaperone is a raging alcoholic who can barely string together coherent advice for the bride, but manages to seduce Adolpho and win the heart of the Man in Chair with her unhelpful but rousing anthems.  Eternally melodramatic, she commands the stage whether or not the scene was originally about her.  Seeking a diva with a strong belt.

A self-professed lothario who appears to have wandered into the wedding accidentally.  He agrees to seduce Janet at Feldzieg's request, but is distracted by the Drowsy Chaperone's wiles.  Adolpho is the sort of person to invent his own theme song.  Seeking a strong comic actor with some improvisation skills; inconsistent accent of nebulous nationality a plus.

Robert's best man.  The frenetic and anxious George is charge of organizing wedding logistics, and like all great organizers, has saved it all to the last minute.  Seeking a high tenor with tap dance skills.

The elderly hostess of the wedding.  Mrs. Tottendale is a well-meaning and eternally cordial friend but oblivious to the point of senility.  She is seldom seen without her Underling.  Character voice a plus.

Mrs. Tottendale's dry-humored butler.  Underling is a bitter soul thoroughly unimpressed by everything but begrudgingly caters to the whims of the dumbest wedding party he's ever attended.  He probably thinks you're overrated. Seeking an actor to receive physical onstage abuse, including expectoration; British accent a plus.

The ditzy chorus girl who thinks she can replace Janet in Feldzieg's production, Kitty's ambition and aggression have nothing on her shrillness.  Seeking an actor with character voice and dance skills.

Janet's stage producer.  Feldzieg, always gruff, sarcastic, and insensitive, schemes to stop the wedding so his star won't leave the stage, even dealing with the Gangsters and Adolpho.  Minimal singing.

Two mafiosos who agree to help Feldzieg stop the wedding and disguise themselves as pastry chefs.  They are not nearly as intimidating as they think they are.  With great gangsters come great puns.  Seeking comic actors with some improvisation and dance skills

A pilot who is little more than a deus ex machina.  Trix performs the wedding ceremony and is a bold, sassy figure.  Seeking a strong belter, preferably a woman of color.

( Preferred age 16+) approx15 ensemble members who can sing and move to portray wedding guests, reporters, and monkeys.